Faith and Gratitude

Today has been a very hard day for me. It was my last day with the Shakopee School District. I will be starting with Mounds View on Monday.

First, it has been a very reflective day. Shakopee was probably one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I have met so many wonderful people there that have really helped me understanding teaching and gain the desire to lead teachers. Truly, many of them have gone above and beyond to support me in my teaching and administrative career. Their leadership should be set as a light upon a hill, as each of them are great examples of what leaders should be. Over the last couple of years, I have been so blessed to work with them and get to know their styles and techniques for leading a school.

Well, it was about 3.5 years ago, I decided that I wanted to go into school administration. I've worked a lot towards this goal, including hundreds of late nights at the U and many, many hours of homework. Then, finally, this Spring everything seemed to begin to fall into place - I was going to get my administrative license. Now the tough thing was to get a job.

It actually started out pretty easy. I applied for a small handfull of jobs, got an interview in Austin, MN and was offered a job as an elementary principal. I remember crying, while sitting outside the school in our van. I could not believe that God had blessed me with a job so quickly and I was so happy that all of my efforts finally paid off. It was about a 1.5 drive home and I think that I cried for about 1/2 the drive. Well, the Austin board fired the superintendent and the position that I was offered was withdrawn. So, I was back to square one. This was devistating to me and I was so frustrated. I began again to apply for jobs, only with more of a determination - completing about 4 applications a week!

After about a month with no success, I began to reflect on what I was doing. I decided that the only way to pull ahead in this game was to rely on God. At the same time I was analyzing my life spiritually and noticed that there were some things that I needed to work on. One day at church I was inspired. I felt as though I should enter into a covenant - I will promise to work on my shortcomings with 100% accuracy and my Heavenly Father would give me a job. I felt as though this was the right thing to do and I had done a few covenants before on the mission, so I knew they worked.

Well, month after month passed by. Every few weeks I would get an interview and just knew that I would get the job because I was doing so well on my shortcomings. I was sure, each time, that Heavenly Father would come through. However, every interview (or sometimes second interview) was followed by the dissapointing phone call in forming that I did not get the job. Each time my immediate reaction was something like, "Why God? I'm doing everything that I promised that I would do. I'm perfect in the things that I am working on, and it hasn't been easy! I cannot understand, I am doing my part, why are you not doing your part?!" This would usually last for a few hours and then I would realize that he is holding out for something even better and the start of the new school year is far away.

Come August, I was having an interview almost every week. I even was offered a final interview while on vacation in Utah and knew, I just knew that had to be the job so I flew back for the interview. I believe that I was more depressed than at any other time when I got that phone call. It was now mid August and my leads were getting pretty low. One was a dean position at Burnsville and another in my own district of Shakopee. I knew I would be able to get one of these, yet after being a finalist in Burnsville and after begin rejected in Shakopee, I still ended up with no job. School was now going to start :( I came to the realization that I was not going to get a job this year.

I called my supervisor, figured out my position tor this year and started moving in. All the while I was just frustrated and confused that I have done so well on my covenent and God had not delivered. It even got to the point where I became a little lax on the promises and started to give up slightly. I was down spiritually and just could not understand. In hopeless desparation, I continued to check the job listing sites, but realized that very few jobs were listed and all schools were starting with a completed administative staff. There did happen to be one in a district that I did some intern work, so I quickly sent a resume. I had no hope in this job and had started working on my attitude so that I could begin the year appropiately with Shakopee.

Yet, something unexpected happened. I got a phone call one day after coming home from staff trainings. It was Mounds View and they wanted to interview me the Friday before school started. I hesistated, "I just finished getting into this new job with Shakopee. People are going to be counting on me. Should I really say yes?" Well, I decided that I should leave no rock unturned, so I agreed. It was a great interview and felt really good about the school, yet I was heavily doubting because this is how I've felt in over 7 other districts. So, I continued my work when surprisingly, I got another phone call for another interview and I was to be one of two finalists! Well, that got my hopes up and I became quiet excited.

I had a weekend to think things over before I was actually offered the job. I began to think. "boy, was God preparing me all summer so that I could end up with this job? Was he simply trying my patience? And why would I actually end up getting this one, besides I have started to give a little on my covenant? Yet, what a testimony this would be if I did get the job." Sure enough, it happened!

So, now I stand amazed! With tears nearly rolling down my face as I type this, I have realized that all of the summer trial was just to see if I would carry though on what I promised God. I was able to rid myself of some habits and become much more in tune with the Holy Ghost. I've increased my relationship with my family and have been able to come much closer to Christ. I've grown in so many ways and now I have even enlarged my understanding that God is our Heavenly Father. That He knows each and every one of us and that He cares. He cares so much that He will watch us be frustrated and even not get what we want in order to help us learn to become closer to Him. I love our Heavenly Father with all of my heart. I know He lives. I know He listens to our prayers and I am so in debt for His amazing love and concern. No one can convince me otherwise. I am so happy that He cares as a Father and that we have the understanding of who He really is and how similar He is to us.

I guess that was quite long, yet I wanted to just be able to get this out and write out my feelings. I have been very humbled and fill with so much gratitude lately that I think I will be on a spiritual high for weeks to come.